14: Aligning charts

Or, making alignment charts. Don't know what an alignment chart is? I didn't either until recently. Apparently, an alignment stems from Dungeons & Dragons, which is all I should have to say about its nerd factor. Much like the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator, this is all about putting people in a box. An alignment chart usually looks like an episode of Hollywood Squares. Instead of Joan Rivers or Whoopi Goldberg, you classify people based on two characteristics with three different levels within each characteristic. Good-Neutral-Evil and Lawful-Neutral-Chaotic. Here is an example of an alignment chart for one of the best shows ever to appear in front of a televised audience:

Knowing really is only half the battle when it comes to alignment charts. In order to let your true nerd reveal itself, you must actually start to classify all groups of people in this way. This works wonderfully for film, TV, and books. Perhaps the best place to start is to take an alignment test online. Then, familiarize yourself with the many alignment charts that already exist out there - like the one at geekosystem. Finally, you'll be on your way to developing your own charts, and even arguing against ones that others have created! Align on!

13: Calling speech errors by their rightful name

Pase in coint, spoonerisms. Named after the late William Archibald Spooner, you may remember this speech error from Disney's incarnation of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and the lovable dwarf, Doc. At least, this is where I first remember hearing this speech error and recall understanding the pattern quite naturally.

This has to be, by far, my favorite type of speech error (having a favorite speech error is certain to qualify as a good nerdicator, as well). This error is marked most commonly by a sort of metathesis or change in the first consonant (or onsent) of two separate, but adjacent words. Take a quote attributed to Spooner and its intended utterance:

"The Lord is a shoving leopard." vs. "The Lord is a loving shepherd." 

                        sh          l                                            l          sh

You can see that "sh" is replaced by "l" and vice versa. Part of why I love this speech error is that it acts as an example that substantiates the existence of syllable structure. Having trouble getting to sleep? I encourage you to read an academic paper on spoonerisms and syllable structure. There is enough written on these topics to give you good sleeping material for over a year. 

12: Raising a nerd

There is something to be said for someone who can raise a nerd. That something is that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. While my parents were both capable of living relatively social and normal lives, they both have their fair share of nerd traits. My mom is a reader, my dad is a video gamer. What does this mean for me? I am happy to call myself a Librarian Tetris Master.

I bring this up because I'll be raising my own nerdling soon. And, I came across this article that exemplifies why that is probably is a good thing. Two points for team nerd!

11: Making a yearbook

Let's face it. We all were once in high school, which means that we should all be able to look back at our former years and think, "I was such a nerd." There should be no exception here.

That being said, if you were ever on the yearbook staff, then you are doubly qualified to make such an assertion. Yearbook kids get excited about things like picas, themes, and folios. There are even contests to award the nerds that cared about these things the most each year.

When looking at the Photo Contest Winners as posted on Jostens, you have to question, is it better to have been the nerd taking the photo or the one immortalized in the Nerd Hall of Shame? Ask this nerd:

10: 011000100110100101101110011000010111001001111001

In other words, making binary. When 1 and 0 mean a whole lot more to you than the not-so-basic concept of numerical values, this is a good nerdicator. It is quite possibly the strongest tell-tale sign that you are a nerd, and it may quite possibly cross the line into geekdom. The binary above was brought to you by this lovely converter, which allows any nerd to convert text to binary and translate binary to text. You might be thinking, "A real nerd doesn't need a converter." Touche.

9: Not needing a layman's explanation

This sounds quite elitist, I'm certain. But, it feels quite satisfactory, and one of the true positives of being a nerd. A nerd can hear or read the complicated, jargon-filled explanation or definition for a range of topics and understand it. When someone offers the layman's version, it seems trite and every once in a while, a real nerd will even question if that summary sounds slightly off, or just overly dumbed-down. Stepping down from the nerd box.

8: 7-8-9

Remember this joke? Why did 6 hate 7 (or some variation)? Because, 7 8 (ate) 9. Homonyms. They're funny, right? Right? Only if you're a huge nerd. I made a joke related to singular and plural forms in a car full of nerds, but a different variety of nerds - geeks more or less, and no one got it. Silence. The joke is on me.